I have a very important announcement to make: From now on, this blog is to be read with an English accent.
This may seem like an odd directive, but really, if you are still reading this blog, you clearly have a high tolerance for “odd”. If you’re new here, might I suggest you save yourself now and move on. There’s nothing to see here, mates. Or is that Australian? Okay, there’s nothing to see here, blokes.
Bollocks, I am going to have to bone up on my British colloquialisms now, aren’t I?
Anyway, the reason for my shift in accent came about this morning because I was forced to run on the dreaded treadmill. Again.
While I was sick and/or traveling, I accepted my fate of having to put in miles on the TM. But this morning, I assumed I was going to be able to venture back out onto the streets (in a perfectly acceptable and legal way, that is). My plan was foiled, however, because today was the first day of the Spring Quarter for my kids, and they had to be at school super early to see if they could add classes (funny how they were surprised that I was NOT okay with them only taking 8 hours).
This meant that I had to run EARLY. Like dark, scary, get-mugged-in-LA early.
The only solution? The treadmill. Or kung fu lessons, which I didn’t have time for. Or maybe a taser. But we all know there would be a high probability that I would tase myself, so I discarded that idea immediately.
It’s common knowledge that the only thing that makes the TM even remotely bearable is the television, (and if you don’t know this, you clearly have not spent nearly enough time on a TM, so I hate you). This morning, I got to see Hugh Laurie’s biography. And while there is a lot of cool stuff going on with Hugh Laurie (which you can google if you really care), the only thing that is important to me is that he is ENGLISH but plays Dr. House with a perfect American accent. How unfair is that?
I mean, here we are in the US obsessed with English accents, and a brilliant actor with a gorgeous accent decides to come to LA to play a part and does it WITHOUT the accent. WHAT?!
So not cool.
And then to add insult to injury, we have Madonna and Gwyneth on the other side of the pond pretending they were born into English royalty with their weird British/American hybrid accents that make them sound like someone in an 8th grade production of Oliver.
So, if Madonna and Gwyneth are going to muck it up for the rest of us, and Hugh Laurie is going to abandon his accent just for fame and fortune, clearly all the rules have changed.
My blog is now British. Or English. Or whatever. Just read it like I sound like Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady. But only after Professor Higgins got ahold of her. This blog is posh, you know?
And now it’s light outside, so I’m going to go run. Outside. And it’s nice and gloomy, just like in Jolly Old England. Won’t that be loverly?
Mom, ultrarunner, four-time US 24 Hour National Team member, adventure athlete, food writer. Graduate of the Pro Cooking Program at the New School of Cooking, Los Angeles. Will run for food.
{ 10 comments }
Ugh, the TM…not only is it boring, but I think I add in about 3 sideways miles with all my wavering back and forth. I’m the only person I know who can’t hit the tangents on a treadmill! Maybe I should start watching biographies when I’m on the bike trainer instead of these race documentaries. Then my accent might get more interesting while my bucket list stopped growing. 🙂
Kate recently posted…That’s more like it
I always think it odd that Americans think all English accents sound cultured, when the same accents are recognized as being low-class in England (well maybe not Billy Bragg or Amy Winehouse). An Indian actor pointed out that almost everyone can do a fair American accent, because they grow up watching American films and TV. Laurie wasn’t the first Brit with an American show; remember Mark Addy? [Go ahead and Google him; I can wait] It’s quite a shock when one hears a bad fake US accent; they end up with snarling, Kansas vowels, Texas twang and Chicago argot – why it always ends up sounding angry, I’m not sure. The worst American trying to sound British was Dick Van Dyke’s cockney in “Mary Poppins.” Aoww, me head ‘urts, it do.
SteveQ recently posted…Short whine and short question
“Can’t hit the tangents on the treadmill” – BEST line ever, Kate! Just spit coffee out of my nose 🙂
Yes, Steve, I’m not a huge fan of the cockney accent. But give me a Jane Austen movie, and I’m putty 🙂
I know I’m the opposite – I love running on my treadmill! And, I even plan for it by saving all of my reality TV DVDrd shows to watch – Dance Moms, The Bachelor, America’s Next Top Model – all great for the treadmill!
Kim recently posted…Humor – It’s a Good Thing!
Ooooooooooh! We definitely have the same taste in TV, Kim! I watch all those shows On Demand if I’m forced to run on the TM :).
Very strange blog! I will say that when I run on the dreadmill, I see the time as a chance to build mental strength and resolve. I will admit that I do listen to music, but mostly just try to zone out. My longest time thus far is 2hr 15min. Not sure how I did that. I must have really checked out that day. You know how to do that don’t you Carilyn – without falling or running into something?
This blog is always strange, Kent! 🙂 And yes, I know the zone out runs and they are heavenly! 🙂
Your blog suddenly seems way more high-brow now that I’m reading it with an English accent. I’m feeling much more intelligent and refined and everything you’ve written here is just so classy. Let me just dumb it down a little by saying Well done Mate!
Char recently posted…You Can’t Keep a Good Man Down
I am sooooooooo glad someone finally agrees, Char!
Comments on this entry are closed.
{ 1 trackback }