Hubz: Um, I do actually read your blog once in awhile.
Me: How come you only read it when there is something I’m trying to keep from you, but never when I’m trying to suck up?
Hubz: Men’s intuition, I guess.
Me: There’s no such thing.
Hubz: Anyway, haven’t we already agreed that you were going to avoid inappropriately touching people?
Me: Yes, but I couldn’t help it this time. His moobs were all out of whack.
Me: Seriously, he would have ended up injured if I hadn’t stepped in and done a readjustment.
Hubz: I thought you promised to quit touching people weirdly. No more using spit to clean someone-who-is-not-your-child’s face, no more rubbing lipstick off women’s teeth, and no more pointing out boogers in people’s noses.
Me: Come on, I have to point out boogers. That’s just gross.
Hubz: No! No boogers, no lipstick, no moobs.
Me: Okay, but I’m still pointing out toilet paper trailing out of the back of people’s pants in public places.
Hubz: You’re the only person on the planet who has EVER walked around in a public place with toilet paper hanging out of the back of her pants! I seriously doubt it will ever happen to someone else!
Me: Wow! Making me be a person who doesn’t help others AND mocking me for one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. Nice. Real nice.
Hubz: Look, just quit touching people’s boobs, okay?
Me: Fine. If you can live with yourself while being a BAD samaritan then who am I to judge?
Hubz: I seriously doubt you’re going to win any medals for wiping ketchup off someone’s face with spit.