Hubz: So, I see you were involved in another “inappropriate touching” incident.
Me: Who told you that?
Hubz: Um, I do actually read your blog once in awhile.
Me: How come you only read it when there is something I’m trying to keep from you, but never when I’m trying to suck up?
Hubz: Men’s intuition, I guess.
Me: There’s no such thing.
Hubz: Anyway, haven’t we already agreed that you were going to avoid inappropriately touching people?
Me: Yes, but I couldn’t help it this time. His moobs were all out of whack.
Hubz: *sigh*
Me: Seriously, he would have ended up injured if I hadn’t stepped in and done a readjustment.
Hubz: I thought you promised to quit touching people weirdly. No more using spit to clean someone-who-is-not-your-child’s face, no more rubbing lipstick off women’s teeth, and no more pointing out boogers in people’s noses.
Me: Come on, I have to point out boogers. That’s just gross.
Hubz: No! No boogers, no lipstick, no moobs.
Me: Okay, but I’m still pointing out toilet paper trailing out of the back of people’s pants in public places.
Hubz: You’re the only person on the planet who has EVER walked around in a public place with toilet paper hanging out of the back of her pants! I seriously doubt it will ever happen to someone else!
Me: Wow! Making me be a person who doesn’t help others AND mocking me for one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. Nice. Real nice.
Hubz: Look, just quit touching people’s boobs, okay?
Me: Fine. If you can live with yourself while being a BAD samaritan then who am I to judge?
Hubz: I seriously doubt you’re going to win any medals for wiping ketchup off someone’s face with spit.
Happy Running!
Mom, ultrarunner, four-time US 24 Hour National Team member, adventure athlete, food writer. Graduate of the Pro Cooking Program at the New School of Cooking, Los Angeles. Will run for food.
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In high school, a friend of mine who was a great practical joker stepped out of a porta-potty trailing toilet paper maybe 30 feet – still attached to the roller apparently. We were all laughing hysterically until we found out it was not planned and he was horribly embarrassed. So…. it’s happened more than once.
See! There is a NEED for my help! I knew it! 🙂
You guys have the funniest conversations!
Unfortunately, Hubz doesn’t think so 🙂
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