Dear Cellulite:
It has come to my attention that you have chosen to take up residence on the back of my legs without my consent. I was the unhappy recipient of a photo taken from the back in a race, and I was shocked at your audacity – you are clearly comfortable hanging out where you don’t belong.
An obvious solution to your squatting illegally on my body is to wear tights when I run rather than shorts. But, I am unwilling to embrace such a solution for the following reasons:
1. It’s MY body and you, Cellulite, are trespassing. That is a crime as far as I’m concerned.
2. I live in Texas and California, two states with HOT, HOT weather. It is not only impractical to wear tights, it is silly.
3. I sweat like a gorilla. I need as much skin exposed to the air as possible. You, Cellulite, will not force me into early hot flashes just because you want to dimple up my thighs.
4. I run 20 miles per day. That should be enough to keep you at bay so that I can wear what I choose.
5. You are not the boss of me – they’re my thighs and I want them smooth!
Now, go away Cellulite. You are not wanted here.
Sincerely, Carilyn Johnson
Dear Crazy Running Lady:
Tough patooties. I’m here to stay, so Deal.
Keep on truckin’, Dimply (aka Cellulite)P.S. Maybe if you didn’t eat 2 cupcakes a day, we wouldn’t be having this conversation
Dear Cellulite (there’s no way in he#& I’m going to call you Dimply):
Dr. Oz has specifically said that cellulite comes from aging skin, NOT FAT, so bite me!
Carilyn (and don’t call me crazy)
Dear Crazy Running Lady:
You’re the one having a conversation with dimply fat cells – oh, sorry, dimply damaged skin cells – so I think “Crazy” clearly applies. And if you think Dr. Oz (is that really his name?) is right, then go buy some kind of lotion.
Dimply
Dear Cellulite:
GO AWAY! But a good lotion may be a good idea. Thanks, I’ll try it.
Carilyn
Dear Crazy Running Lady:
Keep this in mind: If nothing on you ever changed or aged, you’d have no way of knowing that time is marching onward. Enjoy your life. And quit being friends with people who send you pictures taken from behind.
Dimply
Happy Running!
Mom, ultrarunner, four-time US 24 Hour National Team member, adventure athlete, food writer. Graduate of the Pro Cooking Program at the New School of Cooking, Los Angeles. Will run for food.
{ 8 comments }
My cellulite and I have become good friends, but if you want yours to at least HIDE for a few hours, caffeine helps. Don’t bother buying a cream for it, just mix your coffee grounds with table salt and rub it on there. Your plumber might be happy if you do this in the shower, so be forewarned. But the caffeine/exfoliation combo is exactly what you’d get in a cellulite product.
Or you can make friends. I named mine.
Loved this post very, very much!!
I have a weird attitude towards cellulite. If it’s behind me and I can’t see it it doesn’t exist. If I run fast enough no one will notice that it’s there. Call it denial if you want but it works for me.
OOOOOOOOOH! Thanks for the tip, Pensive Pumpkin! I will try it – I need all the help I can get 🙂
I know, Char! I loved denial – until I got that stupid photo. Now I can’t stop thinking about it. Sheesh.
Hey, if Princess Diana had cellulite, there’s no hope for the rest of us. Embrace all the signs of aging … at least as much as you can.
So true, Anne! 🙂
Amen to #4. That should definitely preclude any cellulite. But life isn’t fair, and somewhere out there a girl in her early 20’s is trying to figure out how you can be on the national team and run all those miles when she can’t. 🙂
You are the best, Kate! 🙂
Comments on this entry are closed.