Still injured, still crazy. But I have learned some very valuable lessons over the last few days while nursing my injured feet and not being able to run.
I now know that it is not a good idea to:
1. Get on the internet and google “trench foot”. Trust me on this one. You won’t sleep for a week and you will never eat fried chicken again.
2. Go on an all dairy diet because you are convinced you have a stress fracture and need “tons” of calcium.
3. Try to reverse the effects of said all dairy diet by following it up with an all All-Bran diet.
4. Call your best friend, who also happens to be a hypochondriac, and describe your symptoms. Know that when she uses the phrase, “You’re screwed,” she means it in the most loving way possible.
5. Go to a Chinese foot massage place where the lady working on your feet says loudly, “I no touch that!” in a room full of complete strangers who simultaneously open their eyes to stare at you in horror.
6. Decide to do “personal surgery” on your feet with dental tools found in the bottom of the drawer in the bathroom.
7. Use Icy/Hot on your feet if you have to walk anywhere that is more than 10 feet away.
8. Do 10 consecutive blogs about your feet if you don’t want foot fetishists to start e-mailing you privately with their fantasies. Apparently trench foot is a turn-on in the foot fetish world.
9. Decide that walking on the beach is a good way to “slough off” the injured skin on your feet unless you have someone to carry you back to your car. And no, lifeguards do not consider dermabraded feet to be an injury that calls for being wheeled to your car on a stretcher.
10. Lie to your elderly aunt about the extent of your injuries, especially if you have a blog and a Twitter account that apparently she is technologically savvy enough to follow on the internet, even though she could never master the electric toothbrush you gave her for her birthday.
What crazy stuff do you do when you are injured?
Happy Running!
Mom, ultrarunner, four-time US 24 Hour National Team member, adventure athlete, food writer. Graduate of the Pro Cooking Program at the New School of Cooking, Los Angeles. Will run for food.
{ 10 comments }
Ouch, girlfriend, WTF?
I know – my thoughts exactly, Olga! 🙂
Wow! You really didn’t do that stuff did you Carilyn? The craziest thing I’ve ever done is push myself to try and keep running anyway, but then I’ve never had a running injury that really side lined me that badly. Best of luck with the recovery, and stop OBSESSING!
I am assuming there’s a lot of humor laced into this post because some of your, ahem, remedies sound too funny. Did you really go to get a foot massage?! I am starting to be grateful my running injuries are usually above the foot.
Yes, I was being funny – although they are all true 🙂 I thought the foot massage might help, but it was more embarrassing than anything.
I’m only obsessing to the extent that I have to write about it, so no worries 🙂
Foot massages are keeping me going… but I have to do them myself. I’ve done self-surgery plenty of times, too. Ever sunburn the soles of your feet? – that’s a good one. My blog doesn’t get foot fetishists, but I do get a lot of hair fetishists… and people (men, I assume) searching for “short and skinny” or “Russian Teen” – the last one in Arabic – and one poor soul in Germany whose taste is so perverted I won’t mention how he (or she) finds my blog repeatedly.
Oh, Carilyn…this is hilarious, but I hate that you’re still hurt and can’t run. It’s so stressful when you know you NEED to train…but I’m glad you’re being smart about it.
If you’re hearing from foot fetishists, imagine the blog searches that land readers on my Go Girl post. Ugh.
Your foot massage item in particular made me laugh, but only because my runner’s feet are so gross that I refuse to go somewhere for a pedicure. 🙁
Amazing how running is so linked to our sanity. I for one don’t mind reading endless posts about your feet. I even quite enjoy looking at the ghoulish pictures. But I was THAT kid who enjoyed looking at medical text books and the freakish photos. I learnt about elephantiasis at the age of ten and I know warts can grow in very uncomfortable parts of the body so you’ll never come close to freaking me out with your foot.
Hilarious stuff – and also kind of scary sounding. Thank you for NOT posting photos of whatever is happening with your feet. 🙂
Hope you heal up soon!
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