You look yummy! Yummy, I tell you! And if you keep laughing at my ears, I will make sure to wash you down with a nice Chianti.

It’s been a rough week. I’ve been sick with the plague. I haven’t really been able to run because of all the whiskey NyQuil coughing. But yesterday, I forced myself out to try to get in a few miles so that I don’t get too far behind in my training. I didn’t want anyone to have to suffer my slow pace (and coughing/whining), so I headed out onto the river levee alone.

Alone on a river levee in Texas can be a dangerous thing. Unlike California, where people treat their dogs better than I treat my children, in Texas dogs are treated like…well, dogs. This means that they don’t do lunch at Panera Bread with the girls or shop with their owners at Louis Vuitton. It means, in Texas, they sit in their backyards and bark at things. And when they get loose, they chase you until you get to safety or lose a limb.

My running group calls me Dog Bait. Which isn’t very nice, even if it’s true. Yes, I get chased by a dog on nearly every run when I’m in Texas. No, it isn’t funny.

I love dogs. I’ve always had dogs. Remember my dog Charlie?

Yes, he spends all day attacking his own shadow, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a good judge of character.

And Rocky?

He’s actually a vicious killer attack dog, so don’t underestimate him. And I’m not afraid of him, so there.

But for some reason, with other dogs, I seem to give off some sort of vibe that says, “Crazy Running Lady approaching. Chase her! Chase her!” It’s like I’m wearing a rump roast around my neck.

I was attacked by a German shepherd when I was 10 years old while walking home from school. Since then, I am super freaked when I see a loose dog. My friends claim that dogs can sense this fear and that makes them want to eat me. This makes no sense to me, as I regularly scare lizards, but that never makes me think, “Oooooooh! Dinner!”

My friends say the only way to get dogs to stop chasing me is to act brave so the dogs won’t smell my fear.

I’ve tried. I stand up tall and act big and mean when I see a loose dog, but that only makes them pause for a moment to wonder why the Crazy Lady has such a deep voice before they pounce on me. I now just basically avoid any route where I know there might be a loose dog – which is difficult in Texas because THERE ARE LOOSE DOGS EVERYWHERE!

But, I finally found a route, after several aborted loose dog runs, where the fences seemed to actually keep the dogs contained and I could run past in peace. Until yesterday, when I hit a new low.

I was chased by a cat.

Yes, a cat. A white and orange house cat with a jingle bell collar.

 I tried to take a picture of the cat, but I was too busy running and only got this accidental shot of the sky. Okay, fine, you try to get a good photo when you’re being chased by a crazy, scary-ass cat.

So, now, not only do I have to be scared of animals every time I leave my house, I also have to be embarrassed by it! How cool can you possibly look while being chased by a house cat?!

This morning, I threw in the towel and ran on the treadmill. I have no interest in spending my run worrying about being attacked by a squirrel. My ego can only take so much.

Happy Running!

Tagged as: cats, dog bait, dogs, plague, Running