Change Is Good, They Say. Okay, But There Better Be Chocolate.

As summer winds down, I have hit a bit of a melancholy funk. One child is moving abroad, the other will start his last year of undergrad and then leave for a Ph.D. program. One of my dearest friends, and best running buddies, has moved far away and my passion for running competitively is waning. Things, as often happens in life, are changing. And I don’t feel entirely (or really, at all) ready.

Change is inevitable, and usually good, but that doesn’t make it any less painful.

This morning, after a very fun run with some of my old running buddies, for which I grouchily drug myself out of bed at 4:30, I stopped at the bakery and picked up a chocolate croissant. The run had left me on a bit of a high (unusual this summer) and I wanted to celebrate. Chocolate inside flaky pastry seemed like the perfect way to do it.

As I happily munched on my puff pastry antidepressant, I was drawn back to all the times over the last ten years when I have had a favorite treat after a run. For me, the two seem inextricably intertwined. I never gained a taste for sports drinks, and could only tolerate gels when absolutely necessary, so more often than not, running and real food go hand in hand for me. This probably explains why I have never managed to look like a svelte Kenyan even while consistently running 20 miles a day for eight years. The belly never lies.

But, as I sat lustily gobbling down my croissant, I knew I didn’t regret any of it: not the greasy burgers at Mile 100 of 24 hour races, not the big plates of Mexican food after long runs in the Valley, not the Orange Fanta slushies that served as the aperitifs before the big Mexican meals. Those treats kept me running as much, or more, than all the medals I ever won. Those treats, like the friends I ran with, made running fun.

I know life isn’t all about having fun – doing well, being responsible, taking care of others all take hard work and commitment. But the fun parts of life – love, friendship, great food – sure do make all the work worthwhile and much more pleasurable. And it seems like finding that combination is the only exciting way to go through life. Before I die, I want to leave it all on the course, as they say, and then dance around the finish line with the people I care about and something scrumptious to eat.

So, right now, when everything around me is changing, and my work/fun ratio is out of whack, I feel a little off. But I know in time a lovely balance will reassert itself. I will figure out how much running, and how much intensity, is right for me. I will once again find people to enjoy it with. I will adjust to my empty nest and learn to be okay not “mothering” people all the time. I will find my way.

It just takes time. And a few more chocolate croissants.