With recent studies showing that people who complain regularly live longer, I felt like this was a health trend I could embrace. I may have failed at going Paleo, Gluten Free and Vegan, but I KNEW I could succeed at this one! So, in honor of my new commitment to healthier living, here is what I’m complaining about this week (don’t worry, there will be more):

1.  Mizuno changing the Wave Rider. I have complained about this here before, but it is worth a “double dip”. Mizuno, what the hell are you thinking? None of us who have been buying the Wave Rider for the past decade were doing so because we wanted a “light, hip, forward-thinking” shoe. No! The Wave Rider has always been the “obviously-I-don’t-care-about-style- but-I-like-to-run-in-something-that-comes-sort-of-close-to-a-tempurpedic-for-my-feet” kind of shoe. We clearly didn’t care about how we looked when we wore it – it was probably one of the ugliest shoes on the market (Teal? Really, Mizuno?). But, then you decided to give our old workhorse a makeover. And what do we have now? An even UGLIER shoe that wears out in two weeks. Nice job, Mizuno.

2.  My butt and my face. They say when you reach a certain age, you have to choose between your butt and your face.  That is, if you focus on being thin, your face will look like the Scream mask, but if you carry around a little bit of extra weight (big butt), your face will be nice and full (thus negating the need for Juviderm). Well, I seem to be defying the laws of nature because I have BIG BUTT and a SKELETOR FACE!  And no, I’m not going to inject the fat from my butt into my face, so don’t bother e-mailing me with your “helpful” hint.

3.  Loose dogs. Seriously people. Just because you yell out, “He’s friendly!” doesn’t negate what a jerk you are for letting your 94 pound dog scare the crap out of every unsuspecting runner/walker/cyclist who passes you. There is a reason for a leash law. And no, you and Bingo are not special.

4.  People who talk in movies. Let’s see. Movies have been around FOREVER. The “no talking during the movie” rule has been around FOREVER. What part of this scenario do you not understand? If you really need to explain the movie to your friend/spouse/date, maybe you should consider Pay-Per-View. As insightful as you probably are, we didn’t spend $15 on a ticket to get your minute-by-minute review of “The Hangover 2”. We have teenagers for all the parts we didn’t understand.

5.  Gels. Another topic I cover regularly, but since I am in a “mood” (and trying to live to be 112), I’m bringing this up AGAIN. Why do gels have to be so disgusting? Seriously, they have somehow managed to make everything sold by McDonald’s addictive, but no one can figure out how to make sugar in a foil packet not vomitatious? (I made that word up, but feel free to use it. You’re welcome.) Maybe McDonald’s needs to get into the gel making business. We wouldn’t have any idea what was in them, but at least we’d be happy to eat one every 45 minutes. With a large Coke and fries.

Feel free to leave your complaints in the comment section. I want y’all to live a long time, too!

Happy Running (and Complaining)!

Tagged as: aging, Complaining, gels, loose dogs, Mizuno Wave RIder, movies