20 Miler Real Housewives Style (Or, How Andy Cohen Is Now My Own Personal Running Reality Host)

by Carilyn on April 8, 2013

So if this was a cool runner’s blog, I would tell you about all the awesome runs/adventures I had over the weekend. But since I’m basically a looped course runner who occasionally ventures out onto a trail and usually ends up on the ground, crying, or adjusting someone’s moobs without permission, I can only share this weekend’s boring 20 mile looped run, bookended by a couple of 10 milers. Yawn.

I know. I was bored, too.

In the weeks leading up to a big 24 hour race, I cut back on my trail running because I try to train as race-specifically as possible (and lessen my chances of breaking my neck, getting lost, or getting eaten by a sasquatch). This means that my long runs are pretty much just looped course runs of increasing intensity. The only thing that gets me through these 20 milers are books on tape like Andy Cohen’s “Most Talkative,” Tina Fey’s “Bossy Pants,” or John Gilman’s “How to Build An Ark in Seven Days”. Okay, I made the last one up – I just wanted to see if your bullshit meter was working. We all know that there is no possible way I would listen to a book as boring as that while running around the same 1 mile loop, over and over and over and over again, for 20 miles. Because I’m not crazy.

Anyway, there was nothing special about this 20 miler.

Well, except for the woman salsa dancing. By herself. Around the loop. For 2 hours. Weird. I mean, how crazy do you have to be to go around in a circle, for hours at a time?

And I almost got beaned by a golf ball in the back of the head. Andy Cohen’s voice drowned out the “FOUR!” that was screamed out somewhere behind me, so I didn’t realize I was in imminent danger until the ball passed within a few inches of my left ear. A part of me wished it had knocked me out so I wouldn’t have to finish my run. I mean, a concussion is a legitimate excuse to cut a run short, isn’t it?

And I saw two little kids, presumably brothers, attempting to beat the crap out of each other over a scooter, while the tattooed and bedazzled mother pretended to ignore them while she talked on her cell phone. It wouldn’t have been such a big deal if the kids brawl hadn’t caused a minor bike accident when a small peleton had to veer out of the way to keep from running over the (probably) 4 year old after his younger brother pushed him into their path. Mum kept mum even at this. I thought one of the cyclists was going to deck her AND her progeny.

Aside from the reality show playing in my ears, and on the looped course in front of me (really, it was very meta to have Andy Cohen recounting on-screen reality housewive brawls while watching a REALITY brawl), the highlight of the run was this:

IMG-20120712-00412And this:

pizzaBecause, really, sometimes after a hard run, a near-concussion, a baby brawl, a peleton wreck, and a crazy salsa lady, all narrated by Andy Cohen, the only thing that can right the equilibrium of the universe is a slushie and a pizza.

And a nap.

I’m sure Andy Cohen would looooooooooooove to do a reality show based on people running (or salsa dancing) in circles. Crazy is his specialty, right? Call me, Andy!

Happy Running!





{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Kim April 8, 2013 at 4:23 pm

When is your next 24 hour race? And, what exactly do you do during a 24 hour race – do you run the entire time, is it a relay?
Sorry for all the questions but I think I would really like to venture into ultra running a lot more!
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Char April 8, 2013 at 4:24 pm

You just run for the entertainment don’t you? And to know that your life is totally normal and almost boring in comparison to other people’s. Running around in circles seems quite sane in comparison to letting your children fell an entire peloton.
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Marcia April 9, 2013 at 4:21 am

I think pizza and a slushy rights all the wrongs of this world. My BS meter was in overdrive this weekend listening to my MIL. Ugh.

Carilyn April 9, 2013 at 9:20 am

I totally run for entertainment, Char! 🙂

Carilyn April 9, 2013 at 9:21 am

Oh no, Marcia! I hope it wasn’t too horrible 🙂

Kent April 9, 2013 at 9:26 am

Glad to hear I’m not the only one weird enough to run in circles for hours – I do mine on a regular quarter mile track and because I’m dreadfully slow, it takes me 3 hours to run 15 miles. C’mon Carilyn, it builds mental toughness (I do mine with no music or anything else).

Carilyn April 10, 2013 at 9:46 am

Love the loops! Glad you do, too, Kent!

Rebecca April 10, 2013 at 12:09 pm

I see that salsa-dancing lady every Sunday morning — she rocks! Boy there are some characters at the Rose Bowl, which helps keep me from getting bored.
I tell the boys that they are free to fly their freak flags at home, but I swear those flags are flying high daily on that loop.
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Carilyn April 10, 2013 at 2:22 pm

There are the funniest people, Rebecca! That’s what makes it so fun to run there, huh? 🙂

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