So if this was a cool runner’s blog, I would tell you about all the awesome runs/adventures I had over the weekend. But since I’m basically a looped course runner who occasionally ventures out onto a trail and usually ends up on the ground, crying, or adjusting someone’s moobs without permission, I can only share this weekend’s boring 20 mile looped run, bookended by a couple of 10 milers. Yawn.

I know. I was bored, too.

In the weeks leading up to a big 24 hour race, I cut back on my trail running because I try to train as race-specifically as possible (and lessen my chances of breaking my neck, getting lost, or getting eaten by a sasquatch). This means that my long runs are pretty much just looped course runs of increasing intensity. The only thing that gets me through these 20 milers are books on tape like Andy Cohen’s “Most Talkative,” Tina Fey’s “Bossy Pants,” or John Gilman’s “How to Build An Ark in Seven Days”. Okay, I made the last one up – I just wanted to see if your bullshit meter was working. We all know that there is no possible way I would listen to a book as boring as that while running around the same 1 mile loop, over and over and over and over again, for 20 miles. Because I’m not crazy.

Anyway, there was nothing special about this 20 miler.

Well, except for the woman salsa dancing. By herself. Around the loop. For 2 hours. Weird. I mean, how crazy do you have to be to go around in a circle, for hours at a time?

And I almost got beaned by a golf ball in the back of the head. Andy Cohen’s voice drowned out the “FOUR!” that was screamed out somewhere behind me, so I didn’t realize I was in imminent danger until the ball passed within a few inches of my left ear. A part of me wished it had knocked me out so I wouldn’t have to finish my run. I mean, a concussion is a legitimate excuse to cut a run short, isn’t it?

And I saw two little kids, presumably brothers, attempting to beat the crap out of each other over a scooter, while the tattooed and bedazzled mother pretended to ignore them while she talked on her cell phone. It wouldn’t have been such a big deal if the kids brawl hadn’t caused a minor bike accident when a small peleton had to veer out of the way to keep from running over the (probably) 4 year old after his younger brother pushed him into their path. Mum kept mum even at this. I thought one of the cyclists was going to deck her AND her progeny.

Aside from the reality show playing in my ears, and on the looped course in front of me (really, it was very meta to have Andy Cohen recounting on-screen reality housewive brawls while watching a REALITY brawl), the highlight of the run was this:

And this:

Because, really, sometimes after a hard run, a near-concussion, a baby brawl, a peleton wreck, and a crazy salsa lady, all narrated by Andy Cohen, the only thing that can right the equilibrium of the universe is a slushie and a pizza.

And a nap.

I’m sure Andy Cohen would looooooooooooove to do a reality show based on people running (or salsa dancing) in circles. Crazy is his specialty, right? Call me, Andy!

Happy Running!

Tagged as: Andy Cohen, Bravo, pizza, Real Housewives, reality tv, Running, slushie, Tina Fey