While I came back from Javelina Jundred (or in my case, Javelina 78) feeling groovy, I have had a couple of minor things that I’ve wanted to watch before I hit my regularly scheduled running. Two of my toes have been have been a little sore, both hanging on to dying toenails like there is no chance they will ever grow back, Toe number 1 (we’ll call Ed), is the mystery toe. Ed is one of the little toes, second from the outside of my foot. He’s all mashed up, blistery, and angry looking. I can’t even figure out how he got squished enough to get injured, seeing how he is the “pointless” toe on my foot. Who even notices that toe? Well, clearly Ed was looking for attention, because he is pretty scary looking. (Warning: Scary Toe Photo Coming. Look Away, Squeamish People!)
Injured toe number 2 (we’ll call Gertie), is my long, second toe next to my big toe – the one that looks like she’s got an extra knuckle, she’s so long. This injury I get. I mean, I’m surprised that I still have this toe considering how far she sticks out compared to the rest of my toes. While she isn’t as icky looking as Ed, she still hurts every time she hits the front of my shoe.
Because of my two toe injuries, I’ve tried to be very careful with my running this week. This has meant no hills, no rocks, no sidewalks, which has been very difficult since I live in the city. I’ve scoured the area for a flat, soft area to run on, but alas, other than the local tracks (which are closed to the public because school is in session), I haven’t found anything. And so, I’ve ended up doing most of my running on the Treadmill.
Normally, I don’t mind running on the TM. It gives my body a break, it’s easy, and I get to watch television. Win, win, win. But, after spending four days running almost exclusively on the TM, I am ready to sell it in a Garage Sale. No, the TM itself isn’t the problem. Rather, it is that after days of watching television while ON the TM, I feel the need for therapy.
1. The Real Housewives are dead. I don’t mean that literally, but sheesh, enough already. Now, most of you know I used to be obsessed with the RHs – all of them (okay, maybe not Atlanta or D.C.) – getting practically Christmas-day giddy when there was going to be a marathon. But now, the whole franchise just seems old and tired (and I’m not referring to the ladies). How many times can these women go to the Caribbean? And is it required that every group have a lady who is “on a downward spiral”? How exactly do you cast for that anyway? “Wanted: Middle Age Female with a prescription drug habit, jackass of a husband, and a shopping addiction who finds nothing more entertaining than talking trash on her ‘friends’. “ Enough. Let this franchise live on forever in the Bravo vault, but not on a continuous loop on screen.
2. Natural Disaster watching is extra disconcerting when viewed on CNN. For some odd reason, we don’t have the Weather Channel (so incredibly weird), so I was stuck watching CNN on Monday and Tuesday while Sandy ravaged the East Coast. I don’t know if it’s to make up for their coverage of Katrina, but CNN seemed to go out of its way to prove it ain’t no pansy news agency. Sheesh! I’ve never seen so many hours of hapless reporters getting pummeled by gale force winds, falling debris, and pool furniture. It was like Anchorman Survivor, and you didn’t want to be the reporter that finally said, “Enough of this crap! I’m getting out of here!”. And it was so ironic to have the reporters repeat the need for citizens to evacuate over and over again while slowly being engulfed by the Atlantic Ocean.
3. There are ALWAYS cooking shows on television. With 2 full-time cooking networks on my channel list, I can watch Bobby, Ina, Nigella, or Paula any time I want. This is fabulous, except that it meant I spent as much time off the treadmill getting something to eat as I did actually running on the treadmill.
4. The Biography channel is AWESOME, except right before Halloween. My days on the TM were those right before our favorite scary holiday, so that meant that Biography did a continuous loop of creepy/sociopathic “reality” shows. Every time I’d forget what they were showing, and foolishly hit Channel 126, I was greeted with the sight of a grizzly reenactment of someone being stabbed by a Poltergeist – or their creepy Sunday school teacher. Ick.
5. There are way more “Bad Girls” shows on than “Good Girls” shows. Now, I’m not trying to sound like a prude, but about 40 percent of cable seems to be dedicated to Jerry Springer-type programming. If you want to see a girl in a green spandex dress whack another girl in the head with her fake Louis Vuitton, you will have about 27 channels to choose from at any hour of the day. Clearly the real possibility of a concussion is no longer a negative in the desperate hunt for a little fame.
Thankfully, Ed and Gertie seem to be healing nicely, so tomorrow, I’m heading back outside to run with real people in a calm, normal world. I mean, all the craziness of Los Angeles can’t even begin to compare to what’s playing on cable!