Swim Lessons: Or How Not To Get Punched In the Pie Hole

Back in the pool, I’m rekindling the feeling of love, weightlessness, freedom and joy I only have when I am in the water. Oh, and rage. Yes, I have pool rage. Like one of those crazed SUV drivers hell-bent on chasing down the Prius who cut him off at the last intersection, I have become one of “those” swimmers – hostile and angry at the swimmers around me. Part of the problem is that I have learned I should not drink coffee before a swim; caffeine and pool rage are not good mates. But the other part is that I grew up swimming 5 hours a day under the very strict supervision of a coach who thought screaming was the only way to communicate with anyone under the age of 18. He would never have allowed any “antics” in the pool, and we knew better than to get out of line.

So, now as an adult who has joined the brigade of “lap swimmers”, I am finding that many people don’t really understand the basic etiquette of communal, organized lap swimming. But have no fear: I am more than happy to help out by giving you a quick lesson on swim etiquette. And for those of you who don’t read this blog, no worries, I will print out this list and tape it to your car in the parking lot of the swim center. And on your swim bag. And then laminate it and stick it on your lane in the pool.

If you want to have a more successful, and pleasant, experience in the water (and avoid getting decked by the crazy lady in Lane 4), might I suggest the following:

1. Choose a lane with swimmers who are doing your pace. When you arrive at the pool, spend a few minutes watching the people in each lane. While you won’t know exactly how fast each person is swimming, you can get a pretty good idea if your 30 minutes of kicking is going to fit in with the two former Olympiads in Lane 2 who are doing 100 meter repeats. You are better off choosing a more crowded lane with people going a speed similar to your own, than going in a less crowded lane where the other swimmers are going to have to spend the entire workout trying to get around you. This would seem logical, but on more than one occasion, I have been in a lane with 2 other swimmers, all of us doing an hour-long time trial at a fast pace, when a woman has jumped in and proceeded to float on her back. Really. Basically, our time trial was ruined because we had to spend a portion of every other lap trying to get around her without running head first into an oncoming swimmer. It was beyond frustrating.

2. Let the other swimmers in your lane know you are joining them. This doesn’t have to be a big production, just an act of courtesy so everyone can adjust for another person. The best way to do this is to sit on the side of the pool with your legs dangling in the water so the approaching swimmer can see that you are going to join the lane. When people are swimming, they often “zone out” and don’t realize another person has gotten in the lane unless you let them know. This is just a good way of preventing a collision.

3. Wait until the swimmers have cleared the wall before you jump in the water. This means, don’t jump in the water while another swimmer is approaching, or leaving, the wall. How would you like if it someone did a cannon ball right on top of you while you were working out? This seems like common sense, but you would be surprised by how many people just jump into a lane with people swimming right by them.

4. Let people pass you. If a faster swimmer is approaching, at the next wall, stop and let him pass you, especially if your lane is crowded. It is very difficult to pass someone in a crowded lane, so if you have a swimmer on your feet, stop at the wall (not in the middle of the pool), and let him pass you. If you are the faster swimmer, give the slower swimmer an opportunity to let him stop at the wall before charging around him.

5. If you get passed, don’t speed up just to prove a point. This is like driving. If a faster swimmer goes around you, don’t get huffy and speed up just because your ego is bruised. Who wants to spend a whole workout playing cat and mouse? If he was fast enough to catch you, and pass you, let him go.

6. If you pass someone, don’t slow down. Again, this is like driving. Don’t pass someone, get in front of him, and then slow down. This is maddening for the person behind you. If you can’t maintain the pace you are going when you pass a swimmer, then you have no business passing.

7. Stay on your side of the lane. This would seem like a no-brainer, but for some reason, people get in the pool and seem to lose track of personal space. Just because you feel like it’s a good time to practice your butterfly, if there are 5 other people in your lane, and you have a very wide wingspan, maybe you should wait until you have the space. The same thing goes for people who think it’s okay to swim down the center stripe: it’s not. Stay on your side of the lane. A noggin to noggin collision is very painful (and will probably get you more than a head injury).

8. Don’t “hang out” on the wall. Resting is completely acceptable, but don’t spend the whole workout talking with your buddies on the wall. The other people in your lane are trying to swim, and turn, and that is very difficult to do when three of you are hanging out on the wall discussing the Presidential Debate for 30 minutes. If you really need to chat, get out of the water.

9. Be aware of what is going on around you. This would seem like an obvious “rule”, but it is amazing how many people are not paying attention to the other people in their lane. If you are resting on the wall, and about to push off to do breaststroke, and a faster swimmer is heading in to turn, wait until he goes before pushing off. The 5 seconds you lose while waiting are worth the 50 meters of frustration you’re both going to feel when he is on your feet the entire length of the pool. Same rule applies if you are approaching a slower swimmer. Don’t swim up on top of him. Be aware of how close you are to the wall (to pass), and where the other swimmers are in your lane. If you can safely pass in the middle of the pool, do so, but if not, be patient and wait until the wall.

And finally:

10. Change lanes if you have to. Sometimes we feel like we “own” the lane if we got their first. We don’t. You have to allow other people to join you, and then do your best to have a good workout. But if things aren’t meshing, switch lanes. Just because you were in the lane first doesn’t mean you get to dictate what happens in that lane. Rather than causing a big ruckus (which you know you will regret later), simply go to a different lane. Swimming is supposed to be fun. Don’t let one person who doesn’t know the rules ruin your whole workout. And punching them in the pie whole isn’t really an option :).

Tagged as: swim etiquette, swimming