Phone call yesterday with my friend, Allison
Allison: Hey, let’s do something fun this weekend.
Me: Like what?
Allison: Let’s go to the Santa Monica Pier. I haven’t been since I was a little kid.
Me: No way. I refuse to die with a rainbow slushie in my hand.
Me: The Pier is inherently dangerous. And since you know I will have to get a rainbow slushie immediately upon arrival, I will die with it in my hand.
Allison: How in the world is the Pier inherently dangerous?
Me: Uh, let’s see. An amusement park on a Pier. In earthquake territory. Hello?
Allison: Oh my god, it is completely safe. You’re just being a freak.
Me: Nooooo. I’m being practical. I have no interest in being atop a ferris wheel, slushie in hand, when the tsunami hits.
Allison: Tsunami? I thought you were worried about an earthquake? And did you just say “atop”? That’s almost as weird as being afraid of amusement parks on piers.
Me: Neither of those things are weird. And if the earthquake doesn’t fling me off the ferris wheel, then the subsequent tsunami will drown me. No Santa Monica for me.
Allison: Fine. So what do you want to do?
Me: I can’t do anything with you because I’m going to do a 100 mile trail race in Phoenix.
Allison: Why didn’t you just say that in the first place? Why did we even have this conversation?
Me: Because I was hoping your offer would be better than what I already had planned, but it clearly wasn’t.
Allison: You’re right. Going to run 100 miles in the desert with snakes and stuff is much safer than going to Santa Monica Pier.
Me: I’m more worried about the wild Javelinas. Want to go with me?
Allison: Thanks, but no. I’ll take my chances with the tsunamis.