UPDATED: Hubz felt like I misrepresented him and wanted to post his rebuttal. Below you will find his points of defense (and my feelings about them).
In case you missed it, a couple of weeks ago, I waxed poetically about my husband’s love for me. But clearly, those feelings of love were either short lived, or he has a death wish. As the spouse of an overtrained, under-cupcaked woman about to leave for Europe for a race she hopes not to die in, he should seriously know better than to engage in this conversation:
Hubz: What are you doing?
Me: Looking at my butt.
Hubz: I can see that. But why?
Me: Because I want to see if I could wear a volleyball bikini.
Hubz: What?
Me: You know, those Olympic uniforms the women’s volleyball teams are wearing.
Hubz: Yes, I’ve seen the uniforms. But why do you want to wear one?
Me: Are you saying I can’t?
Hubz: I’m not saying that. I just didn’t think you knew how to play volleyball. Aren’t you afraid of the ball.
Me: Oh, nice. Call me fat AND a chicken.
Hubz: I’m not calling you fat. And we both know you’re a chicken.
Me: Well, that’s beside the point.
Hubz: Why do I always have to ask this, but what is the point?
Me: I just want to know if I could wear the uniform if I wanted to.
Hubz: Ummmm….
Me: See! You are calling me fat. A fatty chicken.
Hubz: You are insane.
Me: A crazy, fatty chicken!
Hubz: You are not fat. It’s just that you have a runner’s body, not a volleyball player’s body.
Me: What does that mean?
Hubz: It’s a compliment. Really.
Me: Oh yeah. Sounds like one.
Hubz: Seriously. You have the perfect body for a runner. Just not maybe for a teeny tiny bikini. For a sport, I’d like to point out, you will never, ever play.
Me: I don’t even know what you’re talking about, but I know I’m now really mad at you.
Hubz: You know, you’re all skinny up top and solid on the bottom. And a little soft in the middle.
Me: What!? You just called me a Tootsie Pop!
Hubz: No I didn’t! A Tootise Pop is all big and round at the top and skinny at the bottom. If anything, you’re the opposite of a Tootsie Pop.
Me: Stop talking. It is a week from our anniversary and I want you to live that long.
Hubz: I’m going to work.
Hubz’s rebuttal (with my response in pink in parentheses):
1. I know better than to make any comments about my wife’s body other than, “Wow! You look fantastic!” but I hadn’t had my coffee and wasn’t thinking clearly. And I think it was a trap. (It wasn’t a trap. He made a rookie mistake and knows it.)
2. Carilyn left out the other compliments I gave her, focusing only on the unfortunate word choices. (Other compliments? He also said I looked like a turtle because I was really white all around my torso and then my legs, arms and face are dark from the sun. Â Hmmm? Compliment? I don’t think so.)
3. About the turtle comment – I was simply trying to point out that the Volleyball bikini would require her to get a tan on her stomach, upper thighs, and arms. (Note to Men: Comparing a woman to a turtle is NEVER good.)
4. I took my wife out for a nice dinner to make up for my “insensitive” comments. (He did. And that’s why he’s still alive. Amazing how a good steak and a glass of wine can solve so many things. And the big piece of cake for dessert didn’t hurt.)
Hmmmm….I think I’m going to go ask him how I look in the new skirt I bought. And it’s not a trap 🙂
Happy Running!
Mom, ultrarunner, four-time US 24 Hour National Team member, adventure athlete, food writer. Graduate of the Pro Cooking Program at the New School of Cooking, Los Angeles. Will run for food.
{ 26 comments }
Hilarious. And the man is treading dangerous ground, indeed. The only answer is “of course you could!” unless you really, REALLY shouldn’t, and then that should be gently mentioned from behind armor.
Also, tootsie rolls and pops are pretty solid. Just stay away from looking like a marshmallow. 🙂
HAHA – I think he’s taking lessons from my husband. I would try and give you an example but I would be here all day. *sigh*
When does the excursion to Europe begin?
I just did a post that links to your last post, so if you track who’s reading, that may skew things.
You reminded me of when, asked “Does this make me look fat?” I answered “I can’t tell. You’re blocking the sun.” Probably not the best response.
I will never understand men – the word solid should never be used when talking about your wife’s body. Or soft. 🙂
You should post it, Natalie! Men love it when we tattle :).
We are starting in Prague and heading up the Rhine. Then, we will travel across Germany, ending in Poland for the race.
Thanks so much, Steve! And I wonder how your “blocking the sun” comment worked for you:)
Men! How hard is it to know that the answer to that question is ‘You’d make that bikini look hot’. And how can they not understand that you need to know that you can pull it off in case of a national emergency when you might be forced to wear a volleyballer’s bikini. The only thing he said right in that conversation was that he was going to work. Sometimes I’m surprised that we haven’t done away with the male of the species.
Ha! This was so funny and accurate that I sent it to my wife to read. She said it sounds so familiar. She thinks that husbands say the wrong things; I think that it doesn’t matter what we say, it will be wrong.
OMG, Char! You are too funny! I often wonder myself how their gender survives! 🙂
Thanks, Jack! Hubz is mounting his counter – claims I’m unfairly representing him – hello? Tootsie Pop!
THAT cracked me up! What IS it with men? My boyfriend does the same kind of thing and whenever I’m complaining about being flabby or soft, I get crickets from him…dead silence…UGH! I think you know what your costume should be for Halloween this year!
xoxo
I know, Michele! Men can’t seem to get it 🙂
I love you so very much! LOL
We spent last night at a bar with Chevalier’s high school buddies where he told them amusing stories of things I do while sleepwalking. Like strip. And, um, leave the house. Yeah.
So maybe we can have a double funeral or something. Have fun in Europe!
They have no filter, PP! And yes, we could probably get a discount 🙂
I’m on his side. Women b crazy!
I have come to believe that men are sort of cute when they think they are being funny..it’s the only thing that saves them from being killed on a regulary basis.
I will let him know, Patrick! Hubz will be so happy to have one vote 🙂
I totally agree, Colleen! 🙂
Oh geez. I’d say he’ll need a very large spade to dig himself out of this one. My husband is the same way. More blunt even. Hilarious!
Where is the LIKE button? I do this intentionally to my husband all the time. He never learns. He says I’m thick and he likes thick… I’m okay with that but I like to think I’m unique in that regard. Most women wouldn’t be… LOL
Oh I am still laughing! 🙂
Thank you! Hubz wanted a second rebuttal, but I told him he was already in enough trouble 🙂
I laughed like h*ll at both the original and the rebuttals, then took te question to my hubby of 31 years, (we really did marry young 18) his response was all hubby’s should answer that question with…….why would you want to wear it, you look better naked…….this is why he is still my HAPPY hubby of 31 years 😉
Your husband sounds like a very smart man, Mary! And that’s the best answer from a man!
And if you’ll notice, the men wear strhos and a sleeveless shirt. Oh, no, beach volley isn’t sexist At All.I’ve watched the fencing and the equestrian events on RFO, mostly because of the commentators, and not because of the sport.And is anyone else tired of all the Canadian whinging?katherine | 08.19.04 – 10:00 am
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